You realize that you have to be back at college in just a few short weeks, right? You want to have the most awesome party house on campus this year, right? Well, we have three words for you that can make it happen: Beer Pong Table. You need one. And not just any beer pong table, because the guy who lives two buildings over already bought or made his own boring beer pong table. You need the Ultimate Beer Pong Table. And we’re going to tell you how to get it.
Get the right start: We love all kinds of beer pong tables, we really do. But if your goal is to have the most awesome beer pong spot on campus, you have to go classy. Start with a wood beer pong table and get a bonus 100 Classiness Points. Think “I don’t always play beer pong, but when I do I play it on a premium wood beer pong table with a water-proof sealant coating”.
Get the girl: Have you heard that we’re partnered with Playboy to put hot girls on every inch of your beer pong table? Well, now you know. There is nothing more distracting to your beer pong opponent (other than the increasing intoxication) than trying to focus on cups that are sitting just beyond the half-covered bosom of a Playmate. There are dozens of images to choose from and you really can’t go wrong. You’re combining sexy ladies, beer, and competition all on one table here!
Get upgraded: Don’t stop now, you’re almost at maximum awesomeness. What if we told you that you can combine sexy ladies, beer, competition, and music all into one amazing table? Mind blown? Scoop your jaw up off the floor and let’s talk about beer pong tables with built in speakers. You can add speakers to any table for less than $50! Yes, you COULD zip-tie some computer speakers to the table legs, but remember we’re building the Ultimate Beer Pong Table here. Zip ties are not classy.
Get stability: Finally, you’re so close to the Ultimate Beer Pong Table. Take it to the next level with cup placement holes pre-drilled! Unless you’re someone who really believes in the fun of spilling beer everywhere on every other turn, cup holes are the way to go. Keep the game organized and your floor clean at the same time.
There you have it: the Ultimate Beer Pong Table. It’s classy, it’s sexy, it’s musically talented and it will keep holding your beer for you even after you throw things at it all night.