Sex & Beer Pong. 2 of America’s Favorite Activities
Ever wonder what the similarities are between your two favorite activities? Look no farther: the answers are here.
1.) Playing with Balls
Let’s start with the obvious: you’re sending your balls towards holes. We’ll leave out the obvious quibble about how in one activity your balls go in the holes and in the other your balls are near the holes because other things are actually inside…the analogy is close enough to allow for a hell of a lot of innuendo, which anyone but the densest bro instinctively understands.
2.) Going all Night Long
A man who’s truly dedicated to his game can play beer pong all night long. If you get tired out early on in the evening, it’s time to start working on your stamina!
3.) Fingering and blowing
Traditionally in beer pong, if a ball is spinning around the edge of a cup, girls are allowed to try to blow the ball into the cup, and guys are allowed to try to flick it in with their fingers. Girls blow and guys finger….we won’t insult your intelligence by spelling out the analogy here.
4.) The amount you talk about scoring…is inversely proportional to how often you actually score.
This one’s a no-brainer, courtesy of Psych 101. The more a bro talks about what great game he has, the more likely he is to be overcompensating. Do with this info what you will.
5.) Single partners, group games, and serial monogamy (oh my)
You can play beer pong with one other person…or you can play two on two, three on three, four on four… You can also play one on one sequentially with multiple different people. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, it’s all good!
Anyone else have any good comparisons? Leave them in the comments!
Posted 2 years ago at 4:08 pm. 7 comments
Romantic beer pong is way better than chocolates and flowers
Most of the time, when people think about romance, they think about wine and chocolate and flowers. Those things are alright, but we all know what’s better: beer! Unfortunately, under normal circumstances, your girlfriend might not agree. Here are the top five ways to make her change her mind.
- Craft beer tastings
If your girlfriend isn’t that crazy about beer, taking her to a craft beer tasting could be just the thing for a romantic day out. Find a brewery in your area and call ahead to make the arrangements, then surprise her with roses and a special tasting to find out exactly which brews she likes.
- Romantic picnic
What could be better than a romantic picnic? A romantic picnic with really nice beer! Try a lambic or similarly fancy import to impress her, and make sure the picnic is full of all her favorite foods. Find a nice spot outdoors, or have a picnic on your living room floor…just be creative and have fun!
- Beer in a champagne bottle
Part of what your girlfriend likes about champagne is that it involves a bit of ceremony: you have the untwisting of the wire, the popping of the cork, the pouring of fresh bubbly into champagne flutes…Nowadays, though, there are fancy beers that come in champagne bottles, meaning that you can have the same amount of pomp and ceremony with something that you actually want to drink.
- Beer brewed with chocolate
We all know that chocolate is one of the main things that women want in life. But did you know that there are actually beers brewed with chocolate? Find one and give it to her, along with a box of actual chocolates, and the beer romance factor goes basically off the charts.
- Beer cocktails
Sometimes, only a fancy cocktail will do. Fortunately, there are beer cocktails that can be classy and romantic, like a Black and Red or a Black Velvet.
Whether you’re celebrating Valentine’s Day, a birthday, an anniversary, or just a day that your girlfriend really wants to be romantic, you now know five different ways to incorporate your favorite beverage into whatever you do.
Posted 2 years, 2 months ago at 11:12 am. Add a comment
You realize that you have to be back at college in just a few short weeks, right? You want to have the most awesome party house on campus this year, right? Well, we have three words for you that can make it happen: Beer Pong Table. You need one. And not just any beer pong table, because the guy who lives two buildings over already bought or made his own boring beer pong table. You need the Ultimate Beer Pong Table. And we’re going to tell you how to get it.
Get the right start: We love all kinds of beer pong tables, we really do. But if your goal is to have the most awesome beer pong spot on campus, you have to go classy. Start with a wood beer pong table and get a bonus 100 Classiness Points. Think “I don’t always play beer pong, but when I do I play it on a premium wood beer pong table with a water-proof sealant coating”.
Get the girl: Have you heard that we’re partnered with Playboy to put hot girls on every inch of your beer pong table? Well, now you know. There is nothing more distracting to your beer pong opponent (other than the increasing intoxication) than trying to focus on cups that are sitting just beyond the half-covered bosom of a Playmate. There are dozens of images to choose from and you really can’t go wrong. You’re combining sexy ladies, beer, and competition all on one table here!
Get upgraded: Don’t stop now, you’re almost at maximum awesomeness. What if we told you that you can combine sexy ladies, beer, competition, and music all into one amazing table? Mind blown? Scoop your jaw up off the floor and let’s talk about beer pong tables with built in speakers. You can add speakers to any table for less than $50! Yes, you COULD zip-tie some computer speakers to the table legs, but remember we’re building the Ultimate Beer Pong Table here. Zip ties are not classy.
Get stability: Finally, you’re so close to the Ultimate Beer Pong Table. Take it to the next level with cup placement holes pre-drilled! Unless you’re someone who really believes in the fun of spilling beer everywhere on every other turn, cup holes are the way to go. Keep the game organized and your floor clean at the same time.
There you have it: the Ultimate Beer Pong Table. It’s classy, it’s sexy, it’s musically talented and it will keep holding your beer for you even after you throw things at it all night.
Posted 3 years, 8 months ago at 11:34 am. 19 comments
Not quite the Twister you remember
Sure, sometimes it’s great to party with just your friends. Who wouldn’t want to spend a night of unfiltered trash-talking and divulging embarrassing details? Nonetheless, if you’re throwing a party and you’re expecting to encounter some sexy members of the opposite gender, we suggest breaking out a few party games of the adult variety. Here are four games that will be sure to bring you closer to the object of your desire in some way, shape, or form:
1. Underwear Musical Chairs
This game is similar to regular musical chairs, with one important variation: half of your party guests will already be sitting in the chairs, in a circle. When the music starts, the remaining half will walk in a circle; and when the music stops, the people walking will sit down in the lap closest to them. From here, anything goes.
2. Body Oil Twister
Did you know that Twister is more fun–and slightly more dangerous–if you grease up the mat first? The oil will not only add an extra degree of challenge to the game; it will also increase the likelihood that someone sexy will fall on top of you. We suggest challenging your chosen one to a one-on-one match.
3. Shaving Cream Slip ‘n’ Slide
You didn’t hear it from us, but if you use shaving cream you can break out a slip ‘n’ slide right in your hallway, without making (too much of) a mess. The water-free version is still slippery, but much easier to use indoors. And here’s the best part: to maintain the best traction, the girls will still want to be in bikinis.
4. Strip Beer Pong
Come on, did we really think we’d let this go without a mention? Strip beer pong is the ultimate in sexy party games; every time someone misses a shot, they’ll have to remove an article of clothing. You may just end up winning twice.
And hey, if all else fails, you can always find a sexy Playboy beer pong table to keep you entertained!
Posted 4 years, 5 months ago at 1:55 pm. 15 comments