Well, it’s time to stop discriminating! There are plenty of other people out there we’d love to play a great game of beer pong against, and some of them aren’t even hot women. Below is our updated list of people we’d give up an arm to play against (not the dominant pong-playing arm, please):

5. Any of the American presidents, present or past

For very different reasons, any present or former president—Obama, Bush, Clinton, etc—would be a great person to play beer pong against. Politics aside, any of these people seem like they’d be fun and interesting to talk to in real life. Plus, we think they’d probably be the type to spring for a custom beer pong table. We know about their policies; now let’s get a break-down of what counts: their beer pong skills.

4. Roger Sterling and Donald Draper from “Mad Men”

Okay, we know they’re not real people. But we’d love to know how these cognac-guzzling ad men would handle themselves in front of a beer pong table. They’re well aquainted with upscale alcohol, we know that. But could they hold their own with a case of Bud Lite and a beer pong table? Sadly, the world will never know. But if you throw a Mad Men-themed beer pong tournament, please send us pictures.

3. Kristen Wiig

We had to include one hot woman on our list, so we decided to go for the one who’s hot and absolutely hilarious. Even if she weren’t attractive, Wiig would be a fun, smart, and uproarious opponent. It’s just a bonus that she’s easy on the eyes.

2. Any sloth, ever

Does it matter that sloths can’t play the game? Nope. Because they’re awesome.

1. Donald Glover

Where did this guy come from?! Whether he’s performing hilarious standup comedy, starring as one of our favorite characters on television in “Community,” or tearing up the stage as his rapper alter ego Childish Gambino, the talented Glover is a true American hero. We think this man would be a smart, funny, and worthy opponent.

Weigh in with who YOU’D most like to play beer pong with in the comment section!

Are you one of those people who thinks a party is the perfect excuse to let it all hang out? Think again. Contrary to popular belief, the morning after a party most people do remember what went on the night before. Luckily, we at Party Pong tables are here to remind you how to avoid the most embarrassing party pratfalls. So sit back, peruse this article, and make sure you don’t become the next campus legend for all the wrong reasons.

1. Being a sore loser

So you and your friends have broken out your favorite beer pong tables for a quick game. Things aren’t looking so great for your team, and you end up getting clobbered by the opponents. Do you:

a) Smile charismatically and make a joke about how you’re still the top player where it counts (in the bedroom)? Or do you:
b) Throw your beer pong balls across the room and run out sobbing about how the game was rigged?

Please, for the love of all that is holy, choose the first option. Losing a game can hurt your pride, sure, but if you smile and make jokes, there are still plenty of ways to come out on top.

2. Shamelessly pursuing a guy/girl who isn’t interested in you

We admire your optimism and your persistence. But if you get a couple of rejections in a row from the same person, move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea—but the uninterested fish you pursue relentlessly will hurt your chances.

3. Drinking way too much

This brings us back to our original point: just because you forget a party doesn’t mean other people won’t. Getting tipsy enough to keep things boisterous and entertaining? Good. Getting so hammered that you’re falling down and slurring your words? Embarrassing!

4. Starting a fight

Just don’t. Seriously.

5. Publicly hooking up

Okay, so you found a hottie who’s interested in you! Do everyone a favor and take them to a private place—and no, by “private place,” we do not mean the party host’s bed. Hooking up is fun and will earn you some mad props—but not if you’re hooking up in front of everybody.

So soldier on and stay classy, Party Pongers!

Have you ever made any embarrassing party faux pas? Let us know in the comments below!

1. Volunteer to coach a Little League team.

Volunteering for a children’s sports team—whether it’s baseball, soccer, or golf—will do wonders for your hand-eye coordination. If you’re teaching a child to sink a basket, block a goal, or hit a home run, you’re also training yourself to make difficult shots from far away. Additionally, putting up with children is a great way to learn good sportsmanship. And it never hurts to add a little volunteer activity to your resume!

2. Take Up Golf

Just practicing my beer pong skills!

There are more similarities between golf and beer pong than you might think: both games involve directing a ball to a small, specific area; and if you become good at one game, chances are, the other will become much easier. Golf is also a great way to meet people you might want to impress someday. Plaid attire is optional.

3. Play Video Games

We’re about to give you a valid excuse to play video games. You’re welcome! Studies have shown that playing video games improves hand-eye coordination and reaction time, two important skills to take to the beer pong table. So next time you need to relax and sit down in front of the Xbox, just consider it practice.

And now that you’ve rounded out your life, step in front of your favorite beer pong table and prepare to dominate.

Aluminum "Shenanigans" Party Pong Beer Pong Table On Sale for only $104.99

A friend of ours approached us recently and complained about having to miss out on what is undoubtedly one of the best beer-related holidays of the year: Saint Patrick’s Day. Now, we’re sure he’s not the only one; sometimes life just gets in the way of us celebrating some of the best holidays.

So in honor of those who had to work, who had other plans, who were sick, or who just had to deal with life, we present to you our list of The Best Beer-Related Holidays (that aren’t Saint Patrick’s Day). So drink up, play some beer pong, and never worry again if life prevents you from savoring some Guinness on your favorite holiday. For your reading pleasure, we are only including holidays that take place in mid-April or later.

Saint Monday–Any (or every! Monday)
Nobody likes Mondays. So in the 1800’s, clever tradesmen handled this by taking Mondays off for “union meetings.” They would then meet at their local pub or bar and drink in honor of Saint Monday. A fine tradition, if we’ve ever heard of one.

King Gambrinus Day–April 11
April 11 is the birthday of the respected Flemish King Gambrinus. Why should you care, you ask? Well, because King Gambrinus is credited with adding hops to malted brews to bring you the fine and delicious beer you know and love today! So drink up in honor of this pioneering man.

St. Arnold’s Day–July 18
Saint Arnold is the Patron Saint of Brewers. Need we say more?

International IPA Day—August 4
It’s not clear as to whetehr this is an official holiday or not, but we do know that thousands of IPA fans are doing their best to make it one. So knock back a cold, delicious India Pale Ale and celebrate.

International Beer Day—August 5
…And just in case you didn’t celebrate enough on August 4, there’s International Beer Day on August 5. So sip on a stout or guzzle a porter, and invite everyone over to play a rousing game of beer pong. And then never worry about missing out on a beer-related holiday again!

Beer in the News Volume 1

We at Party Pong Tables are starting a new tradition, designed to keep you up to date on urgent, earthshattering, breaking news in the world of beer and beer pong. So here it is, our first edition of Beer in the News:

http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/breaking/chi-coors-light-surpasses-budweiser-as-no-2-us-beer-20120110,0,4064773.story. Bud Light is number one, in case you were wondering (we were). So, what made the difference? Probably the fact that Budweiser is the only full-calorie beer in the top five U.S. beers. People have to watch their slender figures somehow! Are you a Budweiser or a Coors Light loyalist? Let us know in the comments.

http://blogs.villagevoice.com/music/2011/12/asher_roth_interview_pabst_and_jazz.php. The hip hop artist and scribe of the popular song “College” even belongs to a fantasy beer pong league. We knew there was a reason we loved this guy so much.

http://www2.insidenova.com/news/2012/jan/10/man-attacked-glass-beer-mug-woodbridge-ar-1598812/. Ouch! The suspect is still at large. Remember, kids: no matter how badly you lose at beer pong, do not attack each other. You’ll risk ending up on the news where fine, upstanding beer pong blogs can mock you mercilessly.

http://www.foxsportsarizona.com/01/09/12/College-footballs-biggest-party/landing.html?blockID=642814&feedID=10113. Now, that’s just inspiring. We hope they were smart enough to order a few (dozen) football-themed beer pong tables!

Any news we missed? Let us know!

Break out your beer pong table, some pong balls, and a bowl of popcorn. It’s time to kick back and watch some movies that will inspire you to play your best game of beer pong yet!

St Elmo’s Fire: This delightful coming-of-age film about post-grads will make you glad you’re still in college. Pour the beer and let the good times roll!

Animal House: Still, after all these years, “Animal House” is the quintessential college party movie. Haven’t seen it? Then your life is incomplete.

Revenge of the Nerds: Spoiler alert: the nerds win in this hilarious, classic college film. It’s sure to inspire a fun round of beer pong no matter whose side you’re on.

Old School: Will Ferrell is at his best in this hilarious tale of a group of men who just can’t let college go.

Road Trip: Beer Pong: Actually, we haven’t seen this one, but we couldn’t ignore a film with “beer pong” in the title. Someone review it for us.

Mortal Kombat: The Mortal Kombat movie is about a group of martial artists who will compete in a tournament that will determine the fate of the world. Sure, the stakes of your beer pong game may not be quite as high, but watching this movie will definitely help you put your game face on.

Accepted: A movie about love and acceptance (sort of), “Accepted” will provide inspiration for all your college antics.

Van Wilder: Van Wilder is destined to be a new classic, coming from the fine and upstanding “National Lampoon” family.

Smokey and the Bandit: Get your culture on with this campy 1977 movie about a man who tries to run a trailer full of beer over county lines.

The Big Lebowski: The Dude abides in this brilliant piece of cinema, which captures the spirit of beer pong even though it has nothing to do with college or beer pong.

Which of these movies or others inspire you to play some beer pong?

Beer Pong Boosts Morale

After a long day at the office, it’s easy for people to get tired and start resenting their job. However, a long day followed by a friendship-forming, stress-relieving game of beer pong? We can guarantee that the bit of fun with your coworkers will eliminate any lingering work-related anxiety and recharge the whole team.

Productivity will increase if there’s a reward at the end of the day
Sure, every job has its long-term rewards: getting a promotion, or the satisfaction of completing a big project. But people are driven by short-term rewards, too. If you set a goal and reward your team with a round of beer pong at the end of the day, they’re more likely to achieve their goals–and more likely to have fun while doing it.

Branding, branding, branding

Put your company or office logo on one of our custom beer pong tables and you’ll be able to show visiters your sense of humor and team spirit. Want people to have inexpensive take-homes? Try putting your logo on some of our custom beer pong balls! This will be sure to keep people talking.

Simply can’t make a decision? Let beer pong help you.

Look, there are all kinds of ways to make a decision. You’d be surprised at the number of times people can’t agree on important decisions and, at the end of the day, end up flipping a coin. A round of beer pong is better than a coin flip because it keeps the conversation going while loosening people up. The team will be much more likely to come to an agreement after a friendly competition at the beer pong table!

1. I will be a good sport.

It’s tempting to rub every win into your opponent’s face, or to make excuses for every defeat, but remember, people are more interested in being around a fun person with a sense of humor. Cheering people on or engaging in good-natured heckling? Good. Continuing to celebrate hours after a big score? A little sad. Play it cool, have fun, and then move on.

2. I won’t settle for an ordinary table or pong balls this year.

Look, why would you need to use some shabby table you find in the basement when you can create the beer pong table of your dreams on the cheap? Or for an even smaller investment, you can put your team name on some beer pong balls. It may not help you win, but it’ll at least make you look awesome.

3. I will recycle my cups.

There’s no excuse not to do everything you can to protect the environment, especially when little changes are so easy. For example, tired of throwing away mountains of those plastic red cups every time you play a game? Then save yourself some money—and earn major karma points from the environment—by getting some reusable, dishwasher safe beer pong cups. These lightweight cups are perfect for beer pong, and you’ll be able to tell anyone you’re trying to impress: “yeah, I’m saving the planet.”

4. I will invite new people to my pong games.

It’s easy to fall in with the same old crowd and play your pong games with the same handful of people every weekend. But don’t forget one of the best parts of beer pong: it’s an amazing way to meet people and make friends! The game keeps people occupied, so there’s no awkward small talk; and by the end of it you really bond with your teammates. So invite the people down the hall, invite your classmates, invite your coworkers, and celebrate some awesome new friendships.

5. I will drink responsibly.

You know this one already, but we’ll say it again: it isn’t cool to drink and drive! In fact, we can’t imagine a faster way to ruin your popularity than to run into someone with a car because you didn’t have the foresight to find a designated driver. If you’re going to drink, make sure you have a place to crash or a responsible way to get home. And then go have fun and play some kick-ass pong in 2012!

False Confessions

Read carefully our previous point about not doing or saying anything that will actually anger people, because false confessions can be tricky. “I slept with your sister!” may seem like a great way to distract your opponent, but you’ll have to deal with his wrath afterward. Similarly, if you’re a lady and your opponent is your boyfriend, “I’m pregnant!” may not be a great thing to joke about. Then again, you only need them to believe the lie long enough to miss their shot, and there is a table in between you two, so proceed at your own risk. We suggest harmless but “shocking” confessions, like “I’m gay!” or “I only have one testicle!” These will make your opponents do a double-take long enough to miss a shot, but won’t send them soaring over the beer pong table in an effort to throttle you.

Enlist the Services of Your Hot Friend

"Well hellooooo, boys!"

You know that friend of yours with the blonde hair and the giant rack? Well, doesn’t she owe you a favor or something? A hot woman can be quite a game-changer, in beer pong and in life. Offer to buy your friend a beer if she’ll show up in the right place at the right time–ie, just when your opponent is about to make a shot. He’ll be too caught off-guard, nervous, and distracted to succeed!

Get Yourself a Custom Playboy Beer Pong Table

…And then spend a lot of time staring at it before you play, because you’ll want to desensitize yourself to its powerful charms. If the other team isn’t prepared for a beer pong table with some sexy graphics on it, they might be too thrown-off to make a decent shot. And of course, you’ll benefit from this too. I mean, it’s Playboy.

Now go do some ass-kicking!

1. Continue playing beer pong as usual, but replace the Natty Ice with a more festive drink. This may require that you take up a collection among your generous dorm mates, since holiday drinks are considerably more expensive. We recommend setting up a bell-ringer outside your dorm or campus center, but DO NOT pretend the donations will go to charity, as that’s a surefire way to get a lump of coal in your stocking. Then get to work filling those plastic cups with egg nog, mulled wine, hard cider, or a seasonal beer. You’ll want to start missing your shots. By the end of the game, everyone wins.

2. Decorate your beer pong table Christmas lights are no longer for just the outdoors, but you can get even more creative. Throw garlands, snowflakes, and candy canes across your beer pong table. Line the perimeter with popcorn and cranberries. Think big here: the goal is to make your table look like an elf just took a crap on it.

3. Penalties for missed shots involve singing the holiday song of your choice, at the top of your lungs Did you know that beer pong is our favorite Christmas drinking game? It is! Play as you normally would, but anyone who misses a shot has to subject–er, treat–the neighborhood to the Christmas carol of their choice, belted at the top of their lungs. Nothing brings out the Christmas cheer like a tipsy rendition of “Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer!”

4. Treat yourself to a Playboy beer pong table

Want to know what says “Christmas” more than anything?

This.